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When Silence Isn’t Golden
When Silence Isn’t Golden
As our kids head back to school, many parents secretly take a deep breath and give a sigh of relief. It is great to have all that boundless youthful energy and excitement around all summer, but it can often also be a bit wearing on the nerves. However, though parents may enjoy the oncoming silence during the school day, it is important to remember that to our seniors, silence can be deafening.
While aging brings many changes and challenges, the one challenge few people may recognize or anticipate is loneliness and isolation. Physical challenges may be obvious, but the emotional and psychological tolls of loneliness are no less damaging. Socially isolated seniors are at higher risk of weakened immune systems, depression, anxiety, and cognitive decline, with research equating loneliness to the negative health effects of smoking 15 cigarettes daily. This is one reason why many seniors chose to live in a senior community or independent living, for the vast array of social opportunities. However, even for those there is no substitute for family.
Many seniors feel forgotten or invisible, leading to feelings of worthlessness, despair, and a diminished sense of purpose. This emotional decline can spiral into clinical depression or even suicidal ideation if left unaddressed. It is not surprising these feelings arise when faced with a time of great loss: spouse, friends, work – both as purposeful engagement and for many their identity, health limitations, mobility issues, cognitive impairment, and restricted travel options.
However, there is much you can do to help your aging friend or family member feel valued, remembered, loved, and engaged. Here are a few ideas:
Visit—and Make the Next Visit Before You Leave
If you have someone living nearby the obvious answer is visit them. Include them, invite them, engage them. You cannot underestimate what it means when a child, grandchild, friend or community member think to call them, invite them, visit, or to simply chat. The reality is that most families today are scattered, with children and grandchildren living in different cities, states, and even countries. Even short, daily check-ins remind seniors that they are loved and valued. Visits are the best, and having a date on the calendar of an anticipated visit is very powerful. When you visit be sure to discuss, plan and mark the next visit. Have grown children and grandchildren stagger calls, visits, even cards in the regular mail, so their loved one knows constantly she is important to them; they matter.
Embrace Technology
Introducing seniors to user-friendly technology, such as tablets with large buttons or voice-activated assistants, can open up a new world of connectivity. There are many options available and with a little patience you can teach (and may need to patiently reteach now and then) how to use video chat apps or social media — or even helping them join online communities with shared interests — can counteract the feeling of being left out. For those that like to learn, there are endless shiurim online that can be set up for easy access.
Encourage Social Connections
Families can help seniors find and participate in social activities tailored to their interests and abilities. Local senior centers, community classes, book clubs, and places of worship offer opportunities for connection. Transportation can often be arranged, or family members can accompany them to ease any discomfort at first.
Help Them Feel Needed
Many seniors feel that they are no longer useful. Families can counter this by involving them in meaningful tasks. Asking for advice, sharing family news, encouraging storytelling, or giving them a role in childcare or home management helps them feel needed and connected. Tell them you want to know their story and help them write or dictate a family history. There is a great deal you do not know about your parents and grandparents, trust me!
Support Physical Well-Being
Maintaining physical health can support emotional well-being. Families can encourage, and if possible, join them in gentle exercise such as walking, stretching, or even gardening, which not only boosts mood but also reduces the risk of chronic disease.
Don’t Ignore Signs of Depression
If a senior is showing signs of depression or withdrawal, families should not hesitate to seek professional help. Counseling, support groups, or therapy (even virtual options) can be incredibly effective. Sometimes, just having someone to talk to regularly can ease feelings of loneliness. There are also lovely women who are available to hire as a companion; not a health caregiver, but retired teachers etc. from our community to go shopping, to a class, show, or movie with them.
Consider Shared Living or Extended Visits
When feasible, co-living arrangements can be a powerful antidote to isolation. Even if full-time cohabitation isn’t possible, arranging for more regular overnight stays or extended visits can be amazing. Shared meals, game nights, time just hanging out together in a relaxed atmosphere and daily interactions contribute to a greater sense of belonging and also help them enjoy the peace and quiet when they return to their own homes.
A Small Effort Can Make a Lasting Difference
Loneliness and isolation among seniors are silent but deadly conditions. Families and friends are uniquely positioned to act as a protective buffer against these risks. With sensitivity, maintaining open lines of communication, promoting engagement, encouraging physical and mental wellness, and reaffirming the senior’s role within our families, your loved ones can thrive during their later years. And think about what a great example you are setting your children and grandchildren.
Davida Barr MSW LSW is a care manager with Guiding Care